You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Here are the major “findings” according to Axios:

They claim there is “nothing inherently wrong” with the Trump administration’s actions toward Ukraine and justify each of them in detail, including Rudy Giuliani’s direct involvement in U.S. diplomacy.

They say any references to a quid pro quo are conjecture and hearsay — including EU Ambassador and Trump donor Gordon Sondland’s testimony.

They question the origins of the impeachment inquiry and Democrats’ motives, and they allege that Democrats have wanted to undo the 2016 election since Trump won.

They mock Democrats for calling the impeachment inquiry a serious process, and they characterize the speedy nature of the inquiry as proof that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is motivated by politics rather than substance.

They use Trump’s well-known skepticism about U.S. spending on foreign aid as justification for his hesitation to give money to Ukraine.

They say there was “nothing wrong” with asking questions about Hunter Biden’s role on the board of Burisma, a Ukrainian company, or renewing unfounded allegations about who interfered in the 2016 elections.

They also seek to discredit those inside the government who raised alarm bells about what the president, Giuliani and others were doing outside normal foreign policy channels.

They label the former and current State Department officials and members of the intelligence community “unelected bureaucrats.”

They say the now infamous summary of the July 25 phone call between Trump and Ukrainian President Zelensky, which Democrats cite as evidence of a quid pro quo, actually exonerates Trump. It “does not reflect any improper pressure or conditionality to pressure Ukraine to investigate President Trump’s political rival.”

Well that is the most entertaining piece of creative writing that I have read since Harry Potter. 

Well I guess we can assume that this report will also be used by the Senate Republicans to help justify their predetermined decision to find Trump innocent and block his impeachment.  

Well, at least we know what’s coming. 

As if there was ever any doubt.